Marriage of Joy and Sorrow

Many people have a misconception that the spiritual path is about nothing other than always feeling good, of only having “positive” experiences, of never allowing our anger to show. This is simply not the case. The spiritual path is about not identifying with that anger, sorrow, joy, or other form of suffering. These are emotions and feelings occurring in the mind stream and they will pass, but these emotions are not us. They don’t define us and they are not inherently existing. As is often the metaphor used by many Buddhist teachers, emotions are like clouds floating by a blue sky. Our mind in its true, intrinsic nature, is like the blue sky. Calm, clear, unpolluted.

Some people will view the act of experiencing those emotions and feelings that we tend to label as negative such as anger or sorrow, as an unwanted, unspiritual, unnecessary occurrence. However, this is not at all the case. These “negative” emotions are part of what it means to be human. Further, they are pointing at something within our minds that wants to be looked at, something that needs to be put in light. These emotions have no existence in and of themselves, they are part of the story of ourselves that we have conglomerated hour by hour, day by day, and they are pointing to that story and the falseness of it all. They are pointing to our boundless nature that exists beyond the stories and lies. Beyond the labels and beyond the emotions.

I invite you to feel these emotions, whether positive or negative, and get to know them. Let them flow through your mindstream. Even experience them in your body. Allow your heart to break open in 1,000 pieces so that it can have space for greater love. Know your fears and sorrows so that you may meet your joys more profoundly. And, ultimately, know that these are layers upon the story of “you” being felt and known by something that you believe to be you.

Awakening does not mean that there will never be sorrow or that difficult circumstances will never again occur in this life stream. After awakening, we are still human. We still live in the realm of name and form.  Life is still occurring. Allow there to be an opening up to the Taoists’ “10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows”. There is no use in denying the emotions and feelings going on. Transformation occurs in the embrace of the emotions. In their feeling, and in the realization of that which in ourselves they are pointing that will take us even deeper into the experience of being human.

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Vigilance in Spiritual Practice

It is extremely possible to establish a way of life that is conducive to being spiritual, mindful, and compassionate in our daily lives. However, this requires vigilance. We must make spirituality, mindfulness, and awareness our priorities so that we are not otherwise distracted by everything that samsara throws at us. This world of form can be extremely distracting and getting sucked in to the mundane level of consciousness is all too easy. Thankfully, like our body, our minds are pliable and we can exercise and strengthen them in order to meet everyday situations that arise with equanimity. However, like exercising and strengthening the body, this does require vigilance and dedication to practice. We are always at practice. Our entire lives are our practice of going deeper and deeper into being and vigilance is the guideline that keeps us directed on that path.

How do we establish a new way of interacting with our lives when we have become so entrenched in our usual way of seeing things? We can begin by taking incremental steps and increase these steps throughout time. Take a day to experience nature. Begin meditating 15-20 minutes a day. Go one day a week “unplugged,” without your computer, cell phone, or TV. Find things that provide you with a feeling of connection and expansiveness, begin implementing them in your life and build from there. Soon, you will see your life improving, and you may be tempted to stop practicing because life has improved so much. Change is a constant in life and, at the risk of sounding negative, our situation always changes. Practice when everything is going well helps to prepare us for when that situation will inevitably change.

We need to practice regularly so that we can begin to see the ultimate, non-dual, spacious nature of reality which will then free of from the tyranny of an unenlightened mind. We are constantly waiting for happiness. We are always expecting to get it from somewhere else. We will experience it in some point in the future. One more self help book will solve our problems. Another workshop. One more retreat. There seems to be an unconscious part of us that doesn’t believe that we are worthy of happiness and fulfillment right now. But what would happen if we were? What would happen if we finally knew that we were always already whole and complete as we are and we don’t have to wait any longer? What would it feel like to experience contentment and equanimity as it is here, now, sitting within our being? At some point in time we have to give up our illusions and delusions. Why not now?

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Empty Thoughts

One of the primary teachings in Buddhism is that our thoughts are integral in the generation of our realities. Our experienced reality is largely shaped by what we think and how we perceive the world. Each one of us sees things differently from the other and these different way of thinking are not intrinsically “good” or “bad” but we have this tendency to label them as such. Then we become attached to these thoughts. We even label them as “my” thoughts. We erroneously view these thoughts as being a part of us, a definition of us, a story of us. “This is MY anger” or “This is MY joy”. We think they have such realness. Wars are created over these differing views of perceptions, but perception is subjective. We place ourselves in self imposed hells or magnificent heavens based upon what is happening in our minds. We spend enormous amounts of energy investing and maintaining these thoughts and these stories of us, making sure they are real for us, being certain that they are what define us.

In reality, these thoughts are empty. They have no intrinsic, real substantiality to them. They are etheric. The idea of them being “good” or “bad” hangs on our stories, which are more thoughts we have formed around them. 99.9% of all our suffering stems from these thoughts and from thinking that the thoughts are real, inherently existing, that the are good, that they are bad, that they are that which defines us. This, of course, is a lie. Thoughts are inherently neutral. The idea of them being good or bad, and hence our suffering around them, are all created in our mind.

The way out of this is the recognition of the emptiness of thoughts and that our perceptions are highly filtered. When we are disturbed, it is because of thoughts occurring in our mindstream. We may believe it to be because of an action, but it is due to our thoughts around the action, the stories we create to explain and own the action. In the recognition that these are simply thoughts forming and passing through our mindstream, we gain clarity and freedom from the mind. There is less suffering. Often the analogy is made that thoughts are like clouds passing through a clear sky. The thoughts and emotions are those clouds, they come and they go, yet the underlying sky remains the same: clear, and unadulterated. It is the same with the mind. 

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The Prison of Limiting Beliefs

Changes in one’s train of thought produce corresponding changes in one’s conception of the external world….

As a thing is viewed, so it appears.

 To see things as a multiplicity, and so to cleave unto separateness, is to err.

 –Padmasambhava

We could have just about anything we want if something wasn’t blocking us. Many of us often face obstacles that keep us from achieving our goals and living our ideal life. The bulk of these obstacles are without foundation, substance, and lack any real existence. They are mental constructs that you impose upon yourself with your imagination and cultural agreements. Many of these obstacles are known as limiting beliefs.

All behavior stems from belief. A limiting belief is behavior that limits our empowerment and prevents us from achieving our goals. Some examples of limiting beliefs are: “I can’t make enough money”, “I’m not good enough to do X”, “I’m not smart enough”, “I don’t deserve to be successful”, or “I must/have to do Y”.

Limiting beliefs do not come from a state of choice, they’re restrictive, often unconscious and as such don’t encourage mindfulness or personal growth. They keep us stuck, unhappy, and burdened. They’re just ugly.

Here are 3 simple steps to change limiting beliefs:

  1. Consciousness: The first step in changing a belief is knowing it’s there. Recognize it for what it is. Look into and at it. See why it’s there. What is it getting you and do you still want what you’re getting from it? Where did it come from? Do you still want to hold on to it?
  2. Language: Changing your language will change the structure of the belief. Instead of saying “I can’t make enough money” say “I can make enough money. I AM making enough money. I am so dang successful I don’t know what to do with myself!” Rather than saying, “I must/have to/should/need to do X or Y”, say “I want to/it would be fun to do X or Y.” This brings choicefulness back into the picture. There’s ultimately nothing we have to or must do. It’s always a choice. What would happen if you didn’t do X? Often, nothing at all and sometimes, something with a negative consequence. Reframe it all in a way so it speaks to your choicefulness and passions. Instead of saying “I have to go running today,” say, “I want to go running today because I enjoy the feelings of health and vitality it brings.” Instead of focusing on the negative consequences you would get from doing something that needs done, focus on the positive. “I have to pay may taxes” becomes “I made a lot of money this year so I get to pay taxes and help the country out, woohoo!” (Yeah, maybe that’s being just a little too idealistic, but you get the point).
  3. InternalRepresentations: Changing internal representations, or how we mentally see ourselves, also has a powerful effect. Limiting beliefs invoke negative internal representations. Negative internal representation fuel limiting beliefs. Change them from unresourceful to resourceful. Give yourself representations that are powerful and positive. Put yourself in those states. See and feel yo urself making money, being choiceful, healthy, more conscious or whatever you want to change and you will change your actions accordingly. Remember that whatever is in our mind influences your reality. Stop believing you’re a limited person with limited choices and you’ll become freer, more successful, and more powerful.
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